you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
