I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
