no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
