She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
