there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
