Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
