How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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