If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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