I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
