were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
