this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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