I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
