He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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