Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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