i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize