and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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