I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
