Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
