Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pants are for mortals
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
