Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
