stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We had to coat check the pizza.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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