I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
