And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
