Just fell off a train. Bad.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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