Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
