Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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