I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
