Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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