drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
