Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
