hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize