Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize