Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
