Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
