Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
