I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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