There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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