i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
