I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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