Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
