I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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