If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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