$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
