i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
