i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize