Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
