Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize