I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
