How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
