I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My vagina just clenched in fear
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
