I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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