Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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