i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
