This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
