I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
