Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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