The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
