it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
