I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
