im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
