He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
