and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
