that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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